Tag: depression

5 Things to Do to For Depression During the Holidays

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By Deanna Cauthen

Deanna Cauthen is as a contributing writer for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and the Decatur Dispatch and Tucker Times news magazines, publications of Hometown Newspapers.

depression

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I love everything about it–the music, (yes, even the old, corny songs about Rudolph and his red nose), attending holiday parties and eating delectable food, and the shopping, wrapping, and gifting of presents.

If you came to my home during the holidays, it would not be unusual to find me belting out my favorite Christmas song, eating a holiday cookie, while decorating the Christmas tree and wearing reindeer antlers. But this year, getting into the holiday spirit has been difficult.

Besides dealing with the physical and the emotional upheaval that comes with menopause, over the past 12 months, I’ve experienced a major blow up with the mother of our grandchildren which led to a severed relationship with her and the children, had serious communication issues with an adult child that resulted in a major conflict, and left a church fellowship where our family has faithfully served for more than 22 years.

And I assure you that I am not only one experiencing major losses. I have friends who’ve been recently diagnosed with debilitating and degenerative diseases, some who have recently had a loved one die, and others who are dealing with the isolation and loneliness that sometimes comes with getting old, being sick, and incapacitated.

There are people who are dealing with job loss and extreme financial distress and let’s not forget about the many families in Southern California whose homes have been consumed by wildfires. There are countless other situations where people are hurting deeply and in the depths of despair.

Contrary to the happy holiday commercials where everyone is sitting around the dining table, eating the turkey and enjoying the festivities, statistics show that depression and anxiety are at an all-time high during this season of the year. So the question is what to do you when the merry is gone from Christmas? Below are a few suggestions that are helping me cope with the holiday blues.

  1.  Acknowledge the sadness and continue to grieve the loss.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture that despises weakness and everything associated with it. As a result, many of us feel it necessary to walk around wearing masks of fake happiness, but life is hard and sad things happen. It’s important to acknowledge the pain and not pretend that it doesn’t exist.

If you’ve had a significant loss as a result of losing a loved one to death, divorce, or you have experienced loss in some other way, it’s important to mourn that loss. How to do that will look different depending on the particulars of your situation.

One way that I process my pain is by writing in my journal. It’s a safe place to put my feelings because I don’t have to worry about anybody criticizing or judging me. The things that I write down in my journal are for my eyes and my eyes alone. I call it “cheap therapy”.

Talking with my husband and other trusted friends helps me to process pain is another thing that I do help process my sadness. Having another person that will listen and acknowledge my hurt is a healing balm for my spirit.

If you do not have a network of family and friends to go to, a support group can provide some much-needed help. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) is a great resource for support. They have a plethora of information on their website and you can enter your zip code to see if there is a free support group in your area.

  1. Keep your holiday traditions as much as you can.

Although you may not feel like it initially, it helps if you can keep at least some of your holiday traditions.

Having my husband take down all of the Christmas bins from the attic, going through each of them, deciding what decorations I wanted to use this year, and then starting the process of decorating the house, helped me to “get in the mood”.

At first, it felt superficial, like I was just going through the motions, which was exactly what I was doing, but as time went on, I started to feel differently. Putting on the Santa hat, decorating the tree, and listening to Christmas music actually did help me feel better. Did it take away all of the sadness? No, but it helped.

Another one of our family traditions is hosting the Christmas Eve dinner for my side of the family. In addition to hosting, we usually go out and purchase a ton of gifts to give to family and friends, but this year I had neither the energy or the money and I seriously thought about canceling the whole thing.

But then I realized that it doesn’t have to be “all or nothing”. After talking it over with my husband and our youngest daughter, we decided that we would only give homemade treats or simple gifts, and we asked everybody to bring a food item to share. This takes the physical and financial pressure off of us and still allows us to celebrate the holidays with family and friends.

If funds are tight and you like to bake, consider giving cookies or other baked goods as gifts for the holidays. You can purchase cookie tins at your local thrift store for pennies (I purchased 20 tins for under $3). Allrecipes.com, as well as other websites, offer a ton of wonderful cookie recipes.

  1. Make the effort to reach out to others.

When you’re feeling depressed or sad, the last thing you probably feel like doing is going out, however, I’d like to encourage you to resist the urge to withdraw. This can be hard when you don’t have very much energy, but do it anyway.

It’s important to go to the holiday concert, the Christmas party, or the holiday luncheon. Even if you can only stay for a short while, going can make the difference between feeling completely isolated and having some human connection. You don’t need to try to talk to everyone. Just pick one or two people to connect with and start a conversation. I have found that when I reach out to people, many times they will return the favor.

The holidays are also a great time to talk to people you haven’t seen or spoken to in awhile. Use this time to pick up the phone or break out the Christmas cards and write warm messages to your friends and family members. If don’t feel like licking envelopes and purchasing stamps, try sending an electronic card via email. Crosscards.com allows you send holiday cards for free. Not only will this brighten their day, but doing the activity will brighten your spirit, as well.

  1. Meditate on the positive.

One of the things that I have found to be vitally important when I’m in a slump is to manage my thought life. I struggle with anxiety and fear, so if I’m not careful, I can allow a plethora of anxious thoughts to plunge me into the depths of despair.

In order to avoid this, I have had to consciously and deliberately take control of the way I think. I do this by making time to meditate. This is easier said than done since there are so many distractions. Constant notifications from things like Facebook and other social media, the barrage of daily emails, text messaging, and any number of other things on the internet, are constantly demanding our attention.

But we can choose to fight back and take control of our soul. This means finding a quiet place and meditating on scripture or other inspirational passages. Some of my favorite scripture passages to meditate on are:

“I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

“Even if I go through the deepest darkness, I will not be afraid, Lord, for you are with me. Your shepherd’s rod and staff protect me.” (Psalm 23:4)

“Don’t worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking him with a thankful heart.” (Philippians 4:6)

“Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

“…. My friends, fill your minds with those things that are good and that deserve praise: things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and honorable.” (Philippians 4:8)

  1. Take time out to exercise.

According to information from the Mayo Clinic, “regular exercise may help ease depression and anxiety by releasing feel-good endorphins, natural cannabis-like brain chemicals (endogenous cannabinoids) and other natural brain chemicals that can enhance your sense of well-being.”(1)

Making and meeting regular exercise goals also gives you the opportunity to take your mind off of your worries and get out of the cycle of negative thinking that fuels depression and anxiety. I have personally noticed that on the days when I make the effort to get out and walk for 30 minutes or so, my mood is so much better.

Regular exercise also benefits you psychologically and emotionally too because it can help you to gain confidence, get more social interaction, and manage your depression or anxiety in a positive, healthy way. Additionally, getting outside and exposing yourself to more light can significantly improve depression.

I realize that none of these things by themselves is going to solve all of our problems or relieve all the sadness, but collectively they can help to cheer our spirits. I encourage you to try them and reclaim this time of the year.

  1. Mayo Clinic article “Depression and anxiety: Exercise eases symptoms”, September 27, 2017, http://www.mayoclinic.com.

 

6 Things to do to Protect Kids From Sex Traffickers

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By Deanna Johnson Cauthen

Deanna Cauthen is as a contributing writer for the Atlanta Journal-Constitution and the Decatur Dispatch and Tucker Times news magazines, publications of Hometown Newspapers.

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Recently, while shopping at our local supermarket, my daughter Adrianna was approached by a young, attractive, African-American woman wearing sunglasses, in the produce department,. I was several feet away when I looked over and noticed the uncomfortable expression on my daughter’s face, so I stopped what I was doing and walked over to her.

I told the woman that I was Adrianna’s mother and asked her what she needed. At that point, she immediately took off without giving me an answer. Surprised, I turned to my daughter and asked her what the woman wanted. She told me that the woman asked her age and said that she would like to get to know her better. She also asked her if she had a family and whether or not she live with them.

It took me a few minutes to process what had just happened, but when I did, my heart was gripped with fear because everything about the transaction pointed to sex trafficking. I was shocked and horrified.

Never in a million years could I have imagined that my daughter would come face to face with a sexual predator. Even more surprising was that the person who approached her was a woman. We proceeded to the front of the store and reported the incident to the manager and then to the police.

What exactly is sex trafficking? Sex trafficking occurs when someone uses threats, violence or other forms of coercion to convince children and even some adults to participate in sex acts against their will.

Sex trafficking is a big business and it thrives because there is a serious demand. It’s happening not only in the United States, but globally. According to numbers released by the National Human Research Trafficking Resource Center, human trafficking produced $150 billion in revenue worldwide.

With these facts in mind, it’s imperative that we as parents, and the community at large, educate ourselves on what things what can be done to combat this problem. Although this is by no means a conclusive list, here are six things we can do to protect our own children and the other children in the community.

  1.  Take time to connect with your children.

As parents, sometimes we get caught up with our own problems and become emotionally unavailable to our children, many times without meaning to do so.  We need to, however, take deliberate actions to connect with our children on a daily basis.

You’ve probably heard people say that quality time is more important than quantity, but that’s not true. Kids need both quantity and quality time. This means talking with them and asking open-ended questions and not just talking at them and barking out orders.

Sexual predators are looking for children who feel disconnected and who lack supportive families. It’s not enough to say ‘I love you’. Your kids need to feel and know that you are there for them.

  1. Set boundaries and model healthy behavior.

Your children are watching how you handle problems and interact with others. A few months ago, I was in a store with my daughter when a young man became agitated with me and started exhibiting threatening behavior. I immediately went and found a manager and told him about the situation. I asked him to walk me and my daughter to our car, which he did, and he stayed with us until we drove away.

The lesson my daughter learned that day was when you need help, ask for it. You don’t have to go it alone. She also learned that it was important to trust your gut and honor your own senses. They need to know that if they feel uncomfortable, they have the right to protect themselves, but they can only do that if they see that kind of behavior being modeled at home.

  1. Stay informed and alert.

When I posted the incident that happened in the store on Facebook, there were several of my friends who did not realize that sex trafficking was such a big problem. This tells me means that we, as a community, have some catching up to do when it comes to getting informed about this issue.

It’s worth mentioning again that the sexual predator that approached my daughter was not some big, scary man, but a charming, attractive, young woman.  According to the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime 2016 Global Report on Trafficking in Persons, about four in 10 human traffickers throughout the globe are female, dispelling the general perception that sex trafficking is a male-dominated industry.

Becky McDonald, the founder of the Michigan-based nonprofit Women At Risk International, recently spoke to an audience at the World Affairs Council of Palm Beach about sex trafficking. “The face of trafficking, often the actual trafficker who is doing the sale of that person against their will, is a female”, said McDonald.

Sex trafficking can take place through online contact as well, so pay close attention to your children’s internet accessible devices. Do periodic, random cell phone and tablet checks and monitor other internet activities.

With the internet literally at our fingertips, we can arm ourselves with the information we need and become a part of the solution to this problem. Understanding the nature of sex trafficking and knowing what to look for, can not only help your child, but other children in the community, as well. The FAIR Girls Organization and the US Department of Homeland Security’s Blue Campaign are two of many good online resources.

  1. Don’t assume that your child is immune from this type of activity.

As I mentioned previously, sex traffickers are looking for children who are lonely, isolated, depressed and who have a weak family structure, but don’t assume that because your child comes from “a good home” that they are not susceptible.  Depending on what’s going on in the home at the current time, along with other factors like school and friendships, your child’s emotional state may be more fragile than you think.

Although I was almost sure that my daughter would never have willingly gone with this woman, I used the situation as a time to take her emotional temperature. I asked her how she felt about the incident that had just happened and about other things going on in her life to make sure that I wasn’t missing anything.

  1. Help them develop a plan of action to use if they’re confronted by a predator.

When we got home, my daughter, husband, and I talked about the experience at the store. First, we reassured her that she did nothing wrong and that what happened wasn’t her fault in any way. Secondly, we discussed a plan of action in case this situation or something similar were to happen again. Below are some specific courses of actions we advised her to take.

  • Walk away from the person. Remember, you don’t owe a stranger anything and you don’t have to be polite to a person who you think is dangerous.
  • If they persist, look them in the eye and firmly say, ‘I am not interested’ and continue to walk away and distance yourself from them. Don’t engage them in a conversation or give out any personal information.
  • If you are in a store or another place of business, get help. Ask for a manager or proceed to a security guard or police officer and notify them about the situation.
  • Stay with a responsible adult until help arrives.
  • Call or tell your parent or guardian about the incident so that they can make an official report with the local authorities.
  1. Provide support for at-risk kids in your neighborhood during the summer break. Unfortunately, summertime is a prime time when sexual predators are looking to recruit. They know that children are out of school which gives them more access. Additionally, there are many parents who cannot afford proper childcare and who leave children home alone with nothing to do and little supervision. These kids are particularly vulnerable to sex trafficking.

If you don’t already do this, talk with your neighbors and get to know them. Form a network to help those parents who might not otherwise be able to afford childcare. If you can afford it, sponsor a child for a week or two of daycare or offer to take turns watching each other’s kids.

Look for the warning signs of child sex trafficking including new tattoos (pimps use this as a way to brand victims), is withdrawn, depressed, or distracted, and signs of physical abuse such as burn marks, bruises or cuts. You can visit the Shared Hope International website for a more comprehensive list of warning signs. As the ancient, African proverb says, “Remember, it takes a village to raise a child”.