By Deanna Johnson Cauthen

I wake up from my sweaty sleep, 

feeling generally unwell.

My body aches from head to toe,

and my skin itches like hell.

I’m tired and depressed, 

my energy is gone.

I look into the mirror,

and see the weight I’ve packed on.

But deep inside a still small voice, 

Whispers quietly to me-

“You are beautiful, my love, 

you are more than what you see.”

The panic and the mood swings 

make me feel out of control.

The doctor says that HRT 

Will help to make me whole.

Each day brings a new symptom.

My body yells “Surprise!”

How I long for my old self,

As I watch my own demise.

Again, I hear that little voice,

Way down inside me say-

“You are beautiful, my love. 

Have the faith to live another day.”

My breasts are large and lumpy. (Oh God, please don’t let it be cancer.)

I want my body back.

I feel like a computer system,

That underwent a hack.

My libido left a while ago.

I miss the fun of sex.

Will this nightmare ever end,

And then what will come next?

One more time, that still small voice

 speaks to my sinking heart-

“My darling, you are beautiful.

 This ‘Change’ is a new start.”